Posh Champagne and Free Will.

The idea of free will in wine is fragile. It exists in theory, but in practice, wine is one of the most rule-bound things.

Most people don’t put ice in their wine. Not because they’ve tried it and hated it, but because someone told them not to.

Most people open one bottle and stick with it. Even if it’s not quite right. Even if they wish they’d chosen something else. Call it indecision, call it obedience. Just open a second bottle. It might be frivolous, could be considered wasteful, or worse, incorrect. Open three bottles, try a glass of each, save the open ones for another day, or give them away.

The idea of free will in wine is fragile. It exists in theory, but in practice, wine is one of the most rule-bound things.

If I asked, “do you feel constrained by wine?”

You’d say, “by what?”

And I’d say, “by all the rules.”

And you’d say, “which rules?”

And then I’d get you to consider every single situation where you’ve ever had a glass of wine.

I’d say, “those ones.”

My Favourite Wine?

The other night, someone asked me: “What’s your favourite wine?”

As always, I immediately said “Any Champagne”.

I followed that up with: “If you can… go and spend £100 on a bottle of Champagne.” It’s worth it. For the experience, the taste, the feeling of luxury, to peek behind the curtain of what ‘wine snobs’ do day-in, day-out.

I was in Norwich, and mused at the time how I’d actually struggle to think of a shop in town where I could just wander in and hand over £100 for a bottle of grower Champagne. Yes, perhaps vintage Pol in Majestic, but they’re not that easy to find, are they?

There’s a sense that certain actions must be earned, or allowed. That Champagne opened without an occasion or celebration is somehow wasted.

It’s not that free will doesn’t exist in wine. It does. It’s just that most people don’t use it. Or maybe they don’t notice when they’re conforming.

People don’t hesitate to spend £100 on an average meal forgotten by morning, or on a jacket they’ll stop wearing after six weeks. Take the cost of that meal out, buy some average fish and chips from your local chippie, and spend the rest on any bottle of Champagne.

Spending that much on a bottle of George Laval feels irresponsible, but it’s not. It’s a choice. You’re allowed to do that. It’s possible. You’re an adult with free will.

Teach Free Will.

The responsibility sits with ‘educators’ who are not teachers. The best teachers are the ones that don’t play by the rules.

Mr Lord, my old science teacher, would occasionally hide in a small cupboard he called an ‘office’ and pounce out when we were doing things we shouldn’t. It wasn’t ‘correct’ to hide in a cupboard and spy on us. But with thirty 14-year-old kids in a science lab, it was probably a prudent way of making sure we didn’t set the place on fire.

The unintended consequence of his eccentric, cantankerous behaviour was the tacit freedom to not give a shit about the rules. I liked that. Wine’s not like that.

He also swore more than he should.

Wine wisdom passed down implies the right time is required. Not now. Not this. Not yet.

Wine rules suggest the process is considered. Not like that. Like this. That’s right…

Instead of buying that new dining table and chairs, screw the legs back together with the dregs of that tool kit you don’t use and then sit around the knackered old set for another year, drinking an occasional bottle of Billecart-Salmon Rosé from a pint glass.